Heartburn from Humble Pie!

There’s nothing like the indigestion you get from having to swallow huge portions of humble pie. You know the feeling I’m talking about. It starts with a mild discomfort when you begin reading a portion of God’s Word. As you start meditating on it and internalising it, the discomfort grows into full blown heartburn – not the physical kind – an actual acute burning in your heart that forces you to get on your knees before God.

If you haven’t experienced this kind of feeling, you’re not reading the Bible right. The Word of God, Paul says in Hebrews 4: 12, is alive and active; sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

That sounds uncomfortable and painful to me. I don’t like being probed, divided and exposed in God’s Presence. I don’t like the discomfort of having to allow the Truth of God’s Word cut through the lies I’m telling myself. I hate having to swallow my pride and admit that it is in fact “me” that needs to change “once again”, (unlike my strong belief, otherwise, that everyone around me needs therapy).

Anyway, all this to say, I had one such strong moment early this morning when I chose to open God’s word and read Phil 2. Verses one to four (shared below in italics) had me arrested for a while in the wee hours of the day.

This section of Philippians chapter 2 is titled “Imitating Christ’s Humility” which to me at the start of my attempt to read this passage felt encouraging. “Duh, of course, I want to imitate Christ’s humility, JUST TELL ME HOW!” I have to admit didn’t like reading the “how” at all.

“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

This is Paul, pleading to the Philippians to embrace Christ-like humility. He isn’t talking to non-believers. He is speaking to those who are “united with Christ, find comfort in His love and share in the Spirit”. He’s speaking to you and me.

Let’s breakdown what he’s saying. He’s asking us to:

• Be like-minded
• Have the same love
• Be one in spirit and mind
• Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit
• Value others above ourselves
• Not look to our own interests but the interests of others

What????? *Coughs in agony*

No seriously, what????

I must be like-minded with others?

What does that even mean? I have to have similar tastes or opinions as them? I have to agree with them? That’s not tough, it’s easy, Jesus. I can do that. I can easily be like-minded with the 10 people I truly deeply love and actually agree with.

But wait, that’s not what you mean, is it?

You want me to be like-minded with those I can’t stand being in a room with? How? How can I possibly do that?

Oh, but You did it; so I can too?

I must have the same love?

Wut? Same love? For everyone?

But I have circles of love and levels of love. I have my innermost circle of friends and family I love the most. Then, the next circle is people I care about and whose company I enjoy but I wouldn’t really die for them. Then there’s people I tolerate after that. Then there’s people I can’t  bear the sight of. They come last. Of course, there’s also so many others that I don’t feel anything about – they are just blurry shapes in my peripheral vision.

My love gradually wanes off as I move from one circle to the next.

But, what you’re saying, Jesus, is that my love should be the “same”? That’s a little impractical, no?

Oh, but You did it so; I can too?

I must be one in spirit and mind?

Again, really? Spirit, I understand, we all share the same spirit once we are in your family. But mind also? Really?

I can’t begin to understand how some people around me think. I struggle to even wrap my head around their logic. Their mind feels like a strange place to me. My mind is certainly better than theirs, right?

What does this “being one in mind” look like even? It’s unreasonable.

Oh, but You did it; so I can too?

I must do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit?

That’s a challenge, isn’t it? I MUST think of myself, because if I don’t, who will?

Me. I matter. I open my Instagram account and I’m barraged with content that encourages me to prioritise myself.

“You do you, girl.”

“Self-care is everything.”

“You are enough.”

It’s hard not to have “any selfish ambition”. I mean at least I need to think about how to get ahead in life a litte, or how to make myself visible or how to stand out? No?

No, nothing. You’ve said, nothing. I should do NOTHING out of selfish ambition. Ouch.

That’s a little harsh. And quite tough, to be honest, in this “you put you first” generation.

Oh, but You did it; so I can too?

I must value others above myself?

This I can totally do. Especially when there’s people who actually are so much better than me. I look up to some people and of course value them higher than myself.

But not those who are worse than me. No, no.

There’s a hierarchy in my head, you see. There’s people I highly value and respect. They are “above” me. Then there’s me, I’m okay. I aspire to be like those better than me. But I also thank God I’m not as bad as “them”. “Them” refers to those who I don’t respect. They have bad intentions, terrible motives and honestly are just not “nice” people.

But, I have to value everyone above myself? That’s a little far-fetched, isn’t it?

Oh, but You did it; so I can too?

I have to not look to my own interests but the interests of others?

“Looking out for the interests of others” is a tiring business, Jesus. I give up.

I have a 1000 personal interests that need attention. I need time to scroll through my phone, time to socialise, time to paint, time to cook, time to entertain, time to chill, time to journal, time for Netflix, time for friends, time for shopping, time for game nights, time for small talk, time for longer meaningful talks, time for so many things!!!!

My interests overtake me. They consume me. How on earth do I find time for all my interests?

Are you saying I don’t have to make so much time for them? I need to lay some of them down and take an interest in others’ interests? That’s not interesting!

Oh, but You did it; so I can too?

Sigh.

You can imagine why I have heart burn now.

Christ-like humility isn’t easy on the palate. It certainly isn’t a piece of cake. It isn’t something I want to readily embrace. It is tough and it requires death on my part – death to self.

It involves giving up the idea that I’m a gift to those around me and embracing the idea that I constantly need to be purged of the filth that I so easily accumulate in my heart.

Christ-like humility is hard work in the secret place. It’s a lot of coming in His Presence and saying, “I just can’t, I just can’t love this person” and walking out of His Presence feeling “His love” for that very same person.

It’s going into His Presence angry, irritated, grumbling and complaining; and walking out feeling love, peace, comfort and strength.

It’s participating in a Great Exchange in the secret place – trading your pain, struggle, weakness and frustration for His grace.

I hope and pray that you are encouraged as I am to lift up God’s Word more often as a mirror and take a hard look at yourself.

I hope you’re okay with the heartburn that comes from eating the kind of humble pie Paul is talking about here.

Peace.

Becky.